The late 20s breakup is so en vogue

The late 20s breakup is so hot right now. Seriously, EVERYONE is doing it.

There’s something about 30 approaching that’s making everyone panic. It’s shit or get off the pot time. And people are realizing the pots they’re sitting on may not be the right ones to spend their long shitting lives with. Now don’t feel bad if you’re the pot; that non-shitter leaving is actually great for you. You don’t want to be with a non-shitter. They’re all smelly and emotionally constipated.

I was the idealistic, love-conquers-all, ‘pot’ being weighed down by an emotionally incompetent man-child with a chronic inability to commit. He sat on my heart for almost 8 years before he decided to go drop his fat immature ass on someone else. Despite him being a non-shitter, I had been putting up with his shit for too fucking long. I recognize that this analogy is breaking down a little right now, but you get my drift. Now the only shit I deal with is sparkly unicorn shit because my life is fucking magical without him.

When we were all 22 and dating, we didn’t necessarily have realistic expectations for the future that included the partners we were with. We lived in the dating-moment. We dated people because they were fun, attractive, part of our peer groups. We didn’t necessarily think about what type of parents they would be, how they got along with our friends and families, our shared life and financial goals. These things just didn’t matter then. But at some point, they started to. And if you were like me, and started dating someone during that carefree period, you missed the opportunity to discriminate based on the stuff that becomes important in your late 20s.

The problem is that as you get into your late 20s, inevitably you start to make plans and imagine futures together as REAL adults. The late 20s breakup is hard because its the destruction of an imagined future. It’s the little boy you’ve imagined with your boyfriend’s eyes and devilish smile. It’s the two dogs whose names you’ve already agreed upon. It’s the places you were planning to go and the things you were planning to do. The end of a late 20s relationship is a re-evaluation of the adult things you’ve imagined for yourself. It’s hard to decide what you wanted because of your partner and what you still want despite the loss of your partner.

And the whole experience is super anxiety provoking – I was really worried that nobody reasonable was still single. And perhaps this is true (given my year of dating flops), but I don’t think so. It just seems to be a big game of musical chairs that allows us to find chairs that better accommodate our finely sculpted asses.

This is what essential life experience looks like. This is what growing up feels like. This is how we learn to stand on our own two feet. This is how we learn to find someone better.

So welcome to the broken hearts club, kids. God knows there are enough of us to form a club now. Worst club initiation ever. Well I guess I shouldn’t say that. Heartbreak is actually infinitely better than murders and gang-rape. Wow, those are both subjects I never anticipated discussing on my Chick-lit dating blog. The point is, the late 20s breakup is actually awesome. So let’s try to see it as something good and productive…if you can blink back your tears long enough to see anything at all.